Solids for Sammy!

Hanging out in the Tripp Trapp.
He really seemed to like sitting
up higher, more on my level.

For NaNoWriMo, I have uninstalled the Facebook app from my phone. A consequence of this is that I am not posting as many pictures of my adorable son and I know that this makes everyone very, very sad. So here is a photo dump from this week - the week we started solid foods! It's been a lot of fun.

That's a little piece of mango in his pulp.

And it was delicious.

 So we made a big order from our very favorite baby store and got everything we would need. We love our TrippTrapp, the Pulp, and the Dips. The Pulp and the Dips are very easy for Sam to hold and get into his mouth as you can clearly see from the many pictures to follow.

Please enjoy this string of pictures of Sam trying new food. If you scroll quickly it turns into a little movie. 

Obviously, this one is my favorite.

 As ever, please excuse our messy home. Just focus on the adorable baby.

 All in all, Sam seems to really like eating his fruits and veggies!

My Mentally Ill Mishaps : Kitchen Edition

Does your food ever skeeve you out? You are just in the kitchen minding your own business, preparing a meal, when all the sudden your eyes are not seeing the ingredients, but are instead seeing something macabre and terrifying? This could very well be my ugly OCD coming out (yeah, bet you didn't know OCD could manifest by making you obsess over nightmarish things, didcha?) It's a lot like this.

I remember when I was a kid, there was this one time that my dad was fixing hot links. For those uncultured swine out there that don't know about hot links, they have a very strong smell to them while they are cooking. Like hot, greasy, fatty, spicy hot dogs. Only not necessarily good. They are these spicy sausage links. Hot links. It's a thing, I swear. So my dad is cooking hot links and our house smells very meaty. While we are eating at the table, my dad tells this horrific story (that I'm pretty sure is a true story, but I think it might have been just an urban legend. I like to think it is just an urban legend. Anyway.) about these two LDS missionaries who were murdered at a meat processing plant and the only things they ever found were the missionaries name tags. I was unable to eat a hot link for about thirteen years.

Sometimes it's less scary than that. After I worked in the Brookshire's (east Texas grocery chain) deli for six months, I just couldn't work with raw chicken very well. I would do it if I wanted something made with chicken, but once I was done cooking, I suddenly didn't want that chicken dish I just made. I would be able to smell soapy dingy water and burnt grease, just like the deli at closing time. I couldn't shake it until my depression messed with my memory. Or if I eat something new and then I get really sick, I'm forever skeeved out by that food. Chicken sausages. Can't do it. No matter how good the sample may be.

Today, the kitchen creeps struck again. Our local grocery store's butcher counter sells these delicious little monsters called brat burgers. What!? They are amazing. David and I figured that if we bought the brats at Sam's, we could just remove the little sausage casings and then have our own brat burgers for a better price. I pulled one of the casings off a brat, all excited about brat burgers for dinner when my brain switched funny. No longer was I holding a sausage casing, it was a disgusting pork flavored used condom. I nearly ran from the kitchen and hid in my bed. But that's what I would have done when I was sick and, by golly, I'm not sick anymore. I can handle cooking! I can totally unwrap two more brats...It was terrible. I couldn't stop my brain from conjuring up all these ugly, ridiculous images. I fed the cases to the pup because I knew she would find it an awesome treat and what does she care that they are terrifying? She did love them. She ate them right up and then all my brain could think about was my Majzy being a mohel's garbage disposal. I tried to laugh it off, but I couldn't.

I wasn't able to finish preparing our burgers. That will be up to David after he gets home. Has this sort of thing happened to you? I guess it will now that you've read this. Sorry.

This is the kind of thing that I vaguely remember being very ashamed of while I was in the thick of my depression. I think it's important to open up dialogue. While I want there to be less of a stigma for my own sake, in case I fall back down the rabbit hole, I think it can benefit anyone dealing with their own mental illness or neuroses to be more open with and supportive of each other. I don't know.

How do you get your brain back on track in the kitchen?

My Breastfeeding Bust: Failing at Feeding

After Sam's nursing strike (which was the worst. If you think your babe might be striking read up here) my milk never recovered and it wasn't in that great of a place to begin with.

Before we left the hospital after Sam's birth, Sam had lost an entire pound. The doctors weren't worried, or so they said, but they kept talking about it every time they came into our room. It made me a little crazy. We popped open one of the little two ounce formula bottles that they give you to take home and fed it to our little boy. He sucked it down, happy enough, and spit it back up, happy enough. Two ounces was just too much fluid for his tiny tummy. The nurses tried to tell me that everything would be fine; Sam's latch looked good and he was doing a good job nursing, but the damage had been done. I was paranoid.

Once Little Hak was about two weeks old, we had made it through our first growth spurt, my nipples weren't killing me every time he latched and we were rarely supplementing with formula. But Sam's weight was still really slow and we were going to the pediatrician for weight checks and lactation consults. And thus began my dependence on my Medela. I was pumping after I nursed and if I woke up early enough in the morning, I would pump before the boys woke up. I even kept my manual pump handy in the night so that I could pump, quietly, after Sam's midnight meals.

Just as things were really looking up for us, David and I had to rush to the emergency room because I had a crazy pain in my back that made no sense. Blood clots, as it turned out. I was admitted to the hospital and I was there for three days. David would bring Sam to the hospital during the day and I would pump every three hours he wasn't there with me; we cuddled in my bed skin to skin, but there was a definite dip in my output. Once I got discharged and back home, things began to perk up a little, but two weeks later, I was back in the hospital with clots again, bigger and more of 'em. I cried each time I pumped because of how pathetic my pumping output was. By the time I had pumped three times, i had just enough to make a meal for Sam, and at that point he was only eating four ounces at a time.

From then on, we had to supplement every day, three or four ounces. Then the move. Sam went on nursing strike. I was too busy to pump like I needed to, even though I was pumping for four hours every day. I couldn't keep up. After the strike ended the best we did was about half breast milk, half formula, but we didn't do our best very often. And I was trying everything. Oatmeal, brewer's yeast, flax seed, More Milk Plus, Milky, tea, pumping as often as possible, and nursing as much as I could. I couldn't pump more than two ounces at a time even when Sam hadn't nursed and I felt sore.

So here we are, two months later, and I have finally thrown in the towel. Well, I'm trying to throw it in. I tried to pack up my pump yesterday and I was just overwhelmed with sad. I even cried. So I brought it back out and pumped out a measly quarter ounce. I find that I am having a very difficult time letting go of this.

I think it's an identity problem. While I was still pregnant, I was really looking forward to a natural birth, the pain and all. I was excited about it. I felt intrinsically connected to some deep well of womanhood as I prepared for my son's birth. But I had a c-section. I felt a little cheated. More on that later. But as a nursing mother, I found that connection. I was nurturing my child like some kind of bra-less, wild Mother Gaea.  But I haven't been able to do that either. None of this is to say that I am ungrateful for the age we live in with safe surgery and good nutrition for my child despite my body's failings, but it does feel like a failing. It does feel like I'm not woman enough for my Sam.

I don't know. I don't feel shamed by other moms or whatever for choosing formula, but I feel a deep, sad jealousy. Sam holds onto his bottle and eats, happy as can be, and I'm jealous of it. It's like when David was dating other girls, I was devastated, but under that I was just hoping that he would be happy. I felt like that with Sam's bottle. Then I immediately felt like a crazy person.

I guess at the end of the day, I'm glad he's happy and healthy, but still...

Any moms out there who have felt this way? Or am I just a crazy person? Any tips for getting over the breast milk blues, as I will henceforth call this?

Favorite Sammy Stuff for Months 1-3

Now that Sam is past his four month milestone, I can look back and see what things we liked and made our lives tremendously easier. So, for what it's worth, our newborn favorites!

At least he wasn't crying because we pulled a shirt over his head.

• Side Snap Baby Shirts. These come in short sleeve, like in the link, and long sleeve with little mitts on the hands. Onesies are baloney compared to these bad boys. Sam was born at the end of May and it was nice and warm so we would put him in one of these with one of his cloth diaper and he looked so cute. No pulling anything over giant baby heads, making babies cry and squirm. These were the best. Easy and awesome. Must have.
• Kissaluvs fitted diapers.They were great when Sam was smaller for nighttime stuffed with a BumGenius doubler. They contained the mess incredibly well and were very easy for me to manage. He could typically go all night without me having change him during our three o clock mealtime. And when he does poop in them, they are very easy to rinse out. Super plus. Nice to have.
• Soothies. Holy crap. There are the best pacifiers. Some moms think that they are ugly or too big, but they are the best. We took three home from the hospital and bought three more two packs at Target. If you go that route, check out Target.com first. They are normally fifty cents or a dollar cheaper online and Target will match their website prices. Hooray for saving money! Must have.
• Soothe-and-Glow Seahorse. This is a Sam favorite. Full disclosure: ours is pink and purple because we got it second-hand from David's boss. When Sam was having a tough time settling down for a nap, I would turn on his seahorse and he would just look at it until he fell asleep. Worked every time. It was amazing. Nice to have.
• LulyBoo.

  

  Someone is happy about being in his LulyBoo!

  This was amazing. We only got it because we were going to travel just a month after Sam was born and we had a Babies R Us gift card, but it turned out to be wonderful. If Sam fell asleep on my chest while we were watching TV, I could lay him in his little bed right away, right there in the living room and then shower or eat or walk around the apartment all by myself. It gave him a safe place to sleep on our bed when he was being particularly needy but we both needed a nap. And, best of all, it is super washable. Nice to have.
• SwaddlePod and SwaddleMe. We really didn't use the Aden+Anais swaddle blankets everyone loves right at first. I would use one to hide my fair babe from the sun while he was in his sling or as a nursing cover, but we only started swaddling him up with his gauzy blankets when he was nearly three months old. Before that we used the Summer Infant things. They kept Sam nicely snugged up. He could get his hands out of the top of the Pod, but we would just wrap him in a little cotton knit Carter's blanket and he wasn't too hot and was super snuggled up. These are just great, though. And way cheaper than many other similar products. Must have.

  

  Swaddlepod snuggles make sound sleepers.

• Netflix and Mario. So much of my time was sitting on the couch either nursing or pumping or sitting underneath a sleeping baby. So I beat Paper Mario, which Sam loved watching. Bright colors and fun music? Yes, please. David and I watched a ton of House, Mom and I watched two seasons of Supernatural (in, like, three days), I rewatched my various BBC shows like Sherlock, Coupling and the IT Crowd and discovered new fun shows like Wallander, A Young Doctor's Notebook, and Hell on Wheels. Seriously. This might be the most important thing on this list. When Sam was super little and I was feeding him three times during the night and all the time during the day and I was too brain dead to have an actual conversation with David, TV was the best and video games were even better to break up all the television. Must have.
• Comfortable nighttime nursing chair. We had our awesome corner couch (like the middle part of a sectional) in Sam's room. It's super cushy and soft and so comfy. You are going to fall asleep nursing the baby sometimes and you don't want to wake up sore or with weird parts of your body asleep, so a good chair is essential. It was so nice to have a place that was roomy and soft. Must have.
• Freebies, hand me downs, used items. This was David's favorite thing. Free things. Make friends with everyone. Scour CraigsList for cheap clothes, used cloth diapers (if that's your deal), nursery furniture (mind safety, obviously) nursing pillows, anything really. We had several friends who had babies before us who were ready to get rid of some stuff. We got free bottles, diapers, nursing pillows, a bouncy chair, a car seat, a co-sleeper bassinet, pacifiers, clothes (like a metric ton), baby carriers (an Ergo!), changing table, crib, various toys, blankets, you get the idea. We were able to spend money on a few, expensive, high quality items (like our jogging stroller) and we were able to afford it. Nice to have.

  

  Co-sleeper, check. Soothie, check. Seahorse, check.

• Co-sleeper. This was so nice during Hakon's first month. Mommy paranoia is a real thing. I would wake up and panic that Sam had died or something. I could reach over and lightly touch Sam's belly and be reassured that he was alive when he twitched. It was very convenient to reach over and pull Sam into bed to nurse in the middle of the night and then lay him back down without having to get up, especially nice while I was still tremendously sore from the C-section. When we were reading to transition our little guy to his own room, it was easy to set it up as a normal bassinet. Some folks enjoy the crib right away, but, for us, this was a Must have.
• Baby wearing gear. I really wanted to do a lot of carrying my babe because I was terrified of postpartum depression. I know that it isn't a definite solution, but I was doing anything I could think of to prepare a little. I used a ring sling and a Moby the most, but the Beco Gemini and the Ergo Organic are others that we have that I like. This is one department where knowing someone who is getting rid of baby stuff is very helpful. Or knowing  your way  around a sewing machine. 

Extra Life 2014!!!

David and I are ridiculously excited for October 24th. By that time, I will be done with this class that I am in the last panic driven two weeks of (so panicky, in fact, that I'm taking time to write this blog post), we will have a five month old baby (what the what?!), and we will be one week away from our awesome Halloween costume (either Dean, Castiel, and Sam from Supernatural or Thomas, Martha and Batman Wayne). But what we are most excited for is Extra Life 2014!

Sam is excited to play Arkham City

After Sam goes to bed on Friday the 24th David and I will begin a 24 hour gaming marathon to raise money for the University of Iowa Children's Hospital, a Children's Miracle Network hospital. This is the hospital that very likely saved my sweet cousin Mara's life some ten years ago or so and where we will take Sam if, heaven forbid, anything is to happen to him.

Majzy wears a 2T

So far, Sam has been nothing but wonderful; he's happy, adorable, and, most importantly, healthy. True, since his birth, we have had to go to the emergency room four times, but each trip was because of my blood clots and Sam was pleasant the whole time I had to be in the hospital, being especially nice for his Pop during the night shifts. We are so grateful for our little boy and even more grateful that he is healthy. So, in an effort to pay it forward, we are trying to raise one dollar for every day that Sam hasn't been in the hospital- $154. If we could afford to just give it ourselves, we would, but we can't; we need help! Please help support us supporting our hospital.

I really want to get footie jammas for David and me. I think it would be fun and cozy and would make for very fun pictures. However we can't afford that either. If you want to sponsor our jammies, that would also be awesome.

David and I are really excited for this. Taking a day to pretend we are young enough to stay up all night, playing games. We'll be live-tweeting (only on Facebook since neither of us Twitters) our games, fun pictures, the Papa Murphy's pizza we'll be eating, and how tired we are. It will be very fun! We are excited that we will be having a very fun time and hopefully doing some good at the same time.

Welcome Home, Paynes!

We are still settling in (read: there are boxes and messes all over our apartment still), but I think that we are going to be very happy here.

We are in Coralville, Iowa, which is to Iowa City what Orem is to Provo or Ypsi to Ann Arbor. It is very clean and bright here which is quite different that Ypsilanti where we were before. Ann Arbor was beautiful, don't get me wrong, and we mostly enjoyed our time there, but we are excited to be out of there in here in Hawkeye Country.

Some fun things of note since I don't know any history and not that much geography to share with y'all.

• The classic rock radio station (which was the first thing I did when we got here and got all our stuff off the truck) on game days does not play classic rock during the game. They broadcast the Hawkeyes game as if it were Led Zeppelin or the Stones. This station also does GameDay Traffic Reports before the game starts. These folks are not playing around with their football.
• I live even closer to the Target here than I did in Michigan. It's less than a ten minute walk. Also, the Target is attached to the mall. It's amazing and spells trouble for our budget. 
• Our apartment complex has a fenced in area right across the parking lot from our front door that is just for pups! Majzy loves it! They have toys and poop bags and grass; it's the best. Consequently, Majzy can no longer be trusted walking on her own from the car to the front door or from the front door to the car. 
• The Tractor Supply store where we get Majzy's food is right next door to the Adult Shop. Talk about one stop shopping. 
• When we moved in, there were six baby bunnies living in the grass right outside our front window. They have grown up and moved on (I hope; there are a lot of dogs in this complex) but they were pretty much the cutest things I had ever seen.
• I have had a sick tummy pretty much everyday we have been here. Apparently there is something in Iowa water that does not agree with me, but I have lost eight pounds so...just kidding, I'd way rather be heavy than be sick every night!

I think that's about it. When we have our mess cleaned up, I'll do a post (with pictures!) about our new home

I"m Still Here

It's been terribly hectic, but we have made it to Iowa! We are still settling. An embarrassing number of things are still in boxes and furniture is still in flux, but we have places to sit and sleep and that is pretty good.

Over the past two weeks I have been making a mental list of things that I would like to post to my blog so here is a brief list of things to come. Feel free to chime in to help me prioritize my posts.

• Why Batman Forever is a Terrible Batman Movie
• Several Things I Learned from Sam's Nursing Strike
• Feminism + Comic Books
• Hosea: My Old Testament Hero
• Filing Cabinet Makeovers
• My Yarn Wall 
• Introduction to Our New Town
• My Favorite Baby Products + Sam's Favorite Products

So, please, give me some direction and motivation! It will be fun to have blogging again (we didn't have internet for two weeks) for when David is playing Batman or I just don't want to do anymore house work.

Fiction Friday: 3 Jokes in 30 Rock that Just Aren't Funny Anymore

30 Rock is one of our favorite TV shows. It is zany and fun, but also one of those "it's-funny-because-it's-true" shows. Except there are now three jokes in particular that are no longer funny because they are too true.

source: fuckyeahtvpicspam.tumblr.com
I'm a little ashamed of that, but kids on tumblr get it done.

1. "We're all getting hot dogs!" Since NBC sucks and won't let me have a clip, you should just go right over to Netflix and watch the very first scene of the pilot of 30 Rock. It's relevant.
    Last summer, David and I went to a Yeah Yeah Yeahs concert. We got there early and everything so that we could stand in the front and really see that wonderful hot mess that is Karen O. It was awesome. Until some smelly, hippie douchbags came up and started shoving us out of the way. I yelled at one of them and he said "Hey, I'm jut trying to get closer so I can see." I said "We're all getting hot dogs!" because every single person at that concert just wanted to get closer so they could see. I ended up having a panic attack because of the smelly hippie smell and all the shoving so we ended up getting out of the fray.
    I find this principle to be true in construction zones too. I always get right over when I see there are going to be lane closure because I love America. Some jerkwad just cruises on by and then, when he is nose to nose with orange cones, says "I just want in; I'm just trying to get through construction!" "WE'RE ALL GETTING HOT DOGS!"  And then I have to yell "There's one line! You think we are all in line over here and you are the only genius who figured out there's two lines? DON'T LINE UP BEHIND HIM!!"
   This joke is too true. Everyone is the worst and everyone "just" wants their hotdog.
2. Dr. Spaceman is one of my favorite characters on the show. He's ridiculous and amazing. His most oft quoted line here in the Payne home is "Medicine is not a science." Which is a ridiculous line. Medicine is totally science right? Well, no. I have multiple blood clots in my lungs and they are tremendously painful making life pretty difficult with a tiny Hakon and an impending move. For the past two months, I have gone to my doctor's office at least twice a week to get my finger poked to get my rate of clotting checked. It makes no sense; on 20 mg of medicine I have a normal rate, but on 10, it's too high. At the emergency room, the doctors told me to take ibuprofen for the pain; at my doctor's office, my doc said "No, that will kill you." Because medicine is not a science. 
3. Okay. Here's the situation.
   Liz Lemon: You want the truth, Kenneth, you want the truth?
   Kenneth Parcell: I can't handle the truth!
   Liz Lemon: There is an adult picture of me on that phone.
   Kenneth Parcell: Adult? You mean like you're driving a car or wearing a suit?
   Liz Lemon: It's a boobies picture, Kenneth, and I only kept it because for once they were both pointing in the same direction. (emphasis added)
   Two words: Nursing. Nipples. Not funny, Tina Fey, not funny. In case you don't know who Liz and Kenneth are, please enjoy this gif.
                                

Family Photos

Last Saturday, we got our family pictures done by our great friend Megan Hamzawi. If you are in the Ann Arbor area and need photos done, I recommend her. Full disclosure, it was hard for me to be willing to document my body and face at this time, but it is what it is. For now. And I'm just so pleased with my wonderful Hakon that it takes the sting away a bit. But here we are in all our glory; David looking very handsome having lost 20 pounds in the last six months, me looking very...cushiony for my baby, and Hakon looking cold because David and I are still not accustomed to it being cool on an August morning. Scroll through and enjoy!

Megan said that Majzy was the easiest one at the photo shoot. 

We may have a Batman problem. You're welcome, WB.

6 Ways I Cope with Obesity while I Lose the Baby Weight

While I was pregnant for Hakon (HO-kin; it's Swedish), David and I got a Wii Fit. It was -30 outside often so I never left the house, but I knew I needed some exercise. Whenever I got on the Wii it made a sad song and chirped "That's obese!" It was very sad. I couldn't tell it, "No! I'm just pregnant! No! I have to eat to make my nausea go away; it is the only cure I've found!" It didn't care. It just chirped at me every day until I eventually stopped using it. I did need to eat. I was growing a person. I was sick all the time. My doctor wasn't worried about my weight - my blood pressure was great, my urine normal, no diabetes - so I wasn't worried.

Until I gave birth to (well, had c-sectioned) my beautiful son. I lost 20 pounds in the first week of baby weight, fluids and other interesting stuff, but then I plateaued. Breastfeeding has not been some magical whatever for dropping pounds. I track my meals and I walk, but nothing. Stuck.

Me at 220

I am not happy with my body shape.

I am happy with body.

There seems to be this false idea that if you are dissatisfied with the way you look, it is because someone shamed you into that opinion or you just don't understand your inherent inner beauty, and if you are happy with your body that means you never want to change it. I don't hold with either of those things.

I love that my body can walk all around and lift heavy things. This is something that I am more appreciative of since I have had postpartum blood clots in my lungs that are sometimes very painful when I breathe. So on days that I can breathe well enough to exercise, I am extra grateful.

I love the naughty things my body can do with David after Hakon is asleep.

I love and am amazed at how my body makes milk for my son. What? How? It's pretty much magic, I think.

275; just about a week after Hakon's arrival

So, yeah, I like my body. It's a pretty amazing device.  But I definitely want to change it. I carry my weight pretty well. Not around my belly too much, mostly in my thighs and hips. But 270 pounds has to go somewhere and I'm not blind. I can see it. I would like to see less of it. In the meantime, this is how I deal with it.

1) I bought new clothes that fit me well. All my pre-Sam clothes are already packed up for our move. All my maternity clothes with them. I bought new underwear that fits without digging into me. It may mean that I had to spend precious money on clothes I hope to be out of soon. It may mean that all my jeans have a W on the tag. But it also means that I look like a real person who understands that she isn't a teenager anymore. I leave the house and feel pretty good.

2) I went and got my hair done. This sounds silly, but it really helped. I knew that getting back to my old body would take a long time (even longer to get back to my old old body) and I knew that I needed to feel pretty in the meantime. It doesn't matter how many times your friends and family tell you you look good, if you don't feel pretty it's tough. And maybe that's dumb, but it is true. So I got a perm. It turned out really well, it's low maintenance and fast, and I feel more put together and confident when I leave the house. I feel pretty.   

3) I eat foods that I know are healthy. That makes me feel good. I eat fruits and vegetables and protein. But I do not limit myself to only "healthy" foods. I have been sick; I have been having blue days. I indulge in comfort foods. So most of the time, I eat good foods and sometimes I eat food that makes me feel good. This moderate attitude keeps me from slipping into either crash diet or bingeing. The moderation keeps me happy.

Four years ago: 170

4) I lean into the shaming. Wearing cute clothes that look pretty good can often trick me into thinking that I look like I did four years ago when I was just recovered from depression and the eating disorder that went along with it. But when I catch a glimpse of myself in a storefront window, that hundred pounds is very, very demoralizing. So, when I go to the gym, I lean into it. I have a pair of tight, short shorts that are completely unflattering. I wear them at the gym. I look at my legs in the mirror while I lift my weights. I work out even harder. I feel very proud of myself that I am working to change. I can't carry the weight of that shame (get it?) around with me all the time. It's too depressing. But a couple hours at the gym two or three times a week? That's very productive shame for me. It helps when I see that I am lifting more weight than cute skinny girls. Makes me feel more useful. (Don't feel bad skinny girls! I'm sure you are very useful!)

5) I make light (get it) of the situation. David and I laugh about it a lot. I'll say something like "I'm so glad you are still attracted to me even though I'm super fat," and he will say, "Yeah, me too. I'm glad I'm still attracted to you even though you are super fat." (The affectionate, fun tone is hard to convey through text alone.) It's not for everyone, but it puts it into perspective for me when I can laugh about it. I'm in pretty good health, excepting the blood clots, I have a beautiful healthy son, a wonderful husband, and generally a really happy life. It's silly to let myself get bogged down by this one temporary issue. So we laugh and joke about it. Everyone should have a moderator making sure they don't sucked into body image madness. David is mine and he keeps me sane by reminding me to laugh it off.

6) I don't fish for compliments. I demand them. I don't have the patience to wait around for a compliment to come on it's own. On days that I am feeling especially bad about the way I look and none of my other strategies are doing the trick, I tell David that I need him to tell me I'm  pretty. He's gotten used to this ritual and will tell me specific things he likes. That blouse looks nice. Your make-up looks great. I love your hair like that. Look at my pretty wife! He often seals it with a kiss. We've worked really hard in our marriage to always be honest, even when it's hard, so I know that he is saying what he means. If I'm looking pretty rough (no shower, baby puke on my shirt, David's deodorant on because I was too lazy to walk ten feet farther for mine, and a fresh breakout on my chin) and I demand a compliment, he will tell me that he loves me and asks what he can do to help. He'll take Hakon and let me shower, or just sit and hold my hand. In this way he reminds me that I've got more going on than just how I look and our relationship is built on more than our bodies. 

On your bad days, what makes you feel better about your body or your nose or hair or whatever that one thing is that you wish you could change? 

Fiction Friday : Harry Potter

In honor of Harry's birthday yesterday, I have decided to do my very first Fiction Friday post about Harry Potter.

And why I hate it.

Well, that's not true; I just think that Harry Potter is terrible.

Harry Potter is probably our favorite topic of discussion in our home. We talk about the magic and the world and the characters and, of course, Harry. There will be many future Fiction Fridays featuring Harry Potter. There's just too much fodder for discussion. So, for today, we will start small. Let's see. Dumbledore.



No, that's too broad. There are a lot of reasons Dumbledore is the worst (stay tuned). Let's talk about Dumbledore and the Chamber of Secrets! Ground rules: we will only use the text as written by JK Rowling and things that Rowling herself has said.  This will be fun!


Remember Gilderoy Lockhart? The golden haired Adonis of the wizardry world that all the witches are ridiculously in love with? Even our most clever Hermione Granger is not immune to his charms despite his obvious incompetence. I say obvious because two twelve-year-old boys notice it. I don't know how many twelve-year-old boys you have met, but unless it's boobs or farts, nothing is getting all of their attention. Even Hagrid, the guy who tried to raise a fire-breathing dragon in his wooden hut in secret, thinks Lockhart is an obnoxious moron.


This begs the question: how on earth did Lockhart get hired at Hogwarts?

Albus Dumbledore is the best wizard since sliced bread. Everyone loves and admires Dumbledore and if they don't, you know that they are dark wizards, like the Malfoys. As a reader we trust his judgement because people that he likes, we like. Like Hagrid and McGonagall. His greatness is why he is headmaster of, presumably, the only school for wizards in Britain.

But he hired Gilderoy Lockhart! What is going on there? As I see it, there are only two options.

1) Dumbledore recognized that Lockhart was a terribly incompetent wizard (because Dumbledore is not a complete moron) and hired him anyway. In this theory Dumbledore becomes much like the Joker, wanting to introduce chaos to his school just to watch the world burn. Perhaps not chaos. Maybe he hired this idiot to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts because he believe DADA is sort of played out, a lot like HomeEc. No, wait. Dumbledore is one of the few who knows that Voldemort is still out there which would make him one of the few who truly understands the importance of DADA for the young wizards and witches in his charge. Well, this theory doesn't really work, does it? Not unless Dumbledore is a villain. More on that later.

2) Dumbledore did NOT recognize that Lockhart was a terribly incompetent wizard. Now, according to the book, the only people who don't realize that Lockhart is a total twit, are the ladies that are in love with him. Also, maybe, the more flamboyant members of the magical community. But Dumbledore isn't...oh, wait, JK introduced sexuality to her characters by telling us that Dumbledore is gay. It seems that Dumbledore's judgement was so clouded by his desire to get some celebrity strange that he couldn't see what everyone else saw.

I'm not going to go into more detail; gotta keep the maiden voyage of this here blog short and sweet. I can and will and have ranted about this for hours. David and I just cannot let it go. If you have thoughts about Dumbledore and Lockhart leave them in the comments! I can't figure it out.

If you want to read more articles that will ruin Harry Potter for you might I suggest these lovely Cracked lists!
6 Horrifying Implications of the Harry Potter Universe
Why the Harry Potter Universe is Secretly Terrifying
The 5 Most Depraved Sex Scenes Implied by Harry Potter